There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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