***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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