This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Boobs speak an international language.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize