we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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