i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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