This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
