I'm eating all of the evidence.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
