Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
