im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
