So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
