i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
