I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Can Purell be used as lube?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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