Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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