I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
