WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
