So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
