I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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