god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
