I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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