In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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