spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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