No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
