Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
