At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
