dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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