areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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