So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
