after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
