And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
this boner is exhausting
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
