His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
