It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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