what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
