Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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