Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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