I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
