That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
