That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
