Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
