that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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