I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
