Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
