Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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