ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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