i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
