so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize