We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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