Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
