just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
