dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
