If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
