: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
