and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
