Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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