That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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