My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
