she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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