he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
