The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
