Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
