Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need moral support for this bender
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
