this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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