My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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