So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
