I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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