yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
