I could have mohawked her pubes.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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