She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
