States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize