She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
