sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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