So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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