If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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