She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
God, I missed his penis.
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