hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
