I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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