He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
