PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize
