I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize