Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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