drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
