i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
