How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
