everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize