I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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