Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
