He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
