I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
