thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
she peed on how many people?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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