Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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