using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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