dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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