No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
