please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
