so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
