Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you didnt know i had herpes?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
