I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize