He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Come see our sink grown plant.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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