So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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