everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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