Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
