They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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